Old Man 69'er

 

OLD MAN 69er WOES & MEMORIES
 
Class reunion coming, time to diet & exercise to get in smaller clothes to wear
trying to get motivated while eating cookies & ice cream sitting in my easy chair;
 
I tried putting on a male girdle which is guaranteed to hold in my gut
when I looked in the mirror I saw it was then pushing out my butt;
 
I know the hair is missing, gone forever, no more is it on my pate
should I put on a hair piece and hope everyone tells me I look great?;
 
Guess I'll just tell everyone don't worry my hair is very much still here
it's just growing different places, on my neck, out my nose and in each ear;
 
Had a physical and the doctor said every thing's great and offered his congrats
but said, the only way I can classify you on the chart is being fit and fat;
 
At the reunion I worry I can't talk too long or get in a friendly debate
I always have to run to pee because I have an enlarged prostate;
 
In the potty sometimes I have to sit like a woman, it's beyond belief
it's embarrassing to sit like a female but I can't stand all day and wait for relief; 
 
Fun conversation about music, girls, sports and do you remember when
then with no warning my bladder tells me, dude, it's time to go again;
 
I'm just too old, bald, and obviously out of shape to try and impress
just talk nicely to me, don't judge me and think what an absolute mess;
 
If we're talking and I look confused, don't think of me as a barnyard yokel
I'm just trying to see you clearly by looking through my new bi-focals;
 
Old age has captured me, my eyes are weak the time has arrived
egad, glasses are now a requirement on my license to drive;
 
Memory is bad, no response from the grey matter, it's just not there
do I have my glasses on, lock the door, zipper up, did I put on underwear?;
 
Now, I just want to remember great times and see how you have been
those were our good old days, alas, they'll never come back again;
 
No Vietnam war, drug use, hippies or politics the bad times we'll dismiss
just the super good times, dates, funny things is what we'll reminisce;
 
Convertibles, hardtops, burning rubber in cars you loved to be alive in
proms, dances, ballgames, movies and especially the drive-in;
 
Sixties rock music is what put all other music so deep down under
Beatles, Rolling Stones, Beach Boys, girl groups and the one hit wonders;
 
Vogues, Grass Roots, Supremes, Paul Revere & the Raiders, The Yardbirds
We all had our favorites, turn the song up, feel the beat and sing all the words;
 
AM radio, KXOK, WLS, WHB, KAAY you could request a song for a dedication
AM was king, that's all we had and listened to, 60s music rocked the nation;
 
Nighttime, storms, power lines were death to the AM stations playing the songs
radio signal is lost, I was singing out loud with my date, what more can go wrong;
 
Power steering, automatic transmissions, air-conditioning were only accessories
now we can't live without cellphones, computers, color TV they're unnecessary;
 
Cahalan car wash, Coon Creek park, old city lake, and other favorite hangouts
the bowling alley with shakes & tenderloins, remember what I'm talking about?;
 
It's a gas, go ape, dig it, hip, keen, get a grip, cliches we all used to say
far out, can you dig it, in the grove, of course, "cool" is still used today;
 
Beat feet, bummer, truckin, hip, right on, up tight and outta sight
lay it on me, Chinese fire drills and wearing the shades day or night;
 
When on a date I talked polite, we held hands, I lightly stroked her arm
can I sneak a kiss now, or "accidentally" brush against her womanly charms?;
 
Then dancing very slow, holding her tight, the music made us groove and sway
silence is broken when she says I'll slap you, if again, you hold me that way;
 
She says her mother warned her boys will squeeze you and try to cop a feel
they'll do it while talking, smiling sweetly and do it with such great zeal;
 
To her I apologized without haste, I looked innocent, so very surprised
I'm just enjoying the dance dear, my hands slipped down, I didn't realize;
 
Teenage guys are all the same, trying to score, over sexed it's a guarantee
but, as guys got older & no wiser most of us have lost that urge,including me;
 
No more do old guys have to think about past frustrations, no lustful wishin
now most of us are interested in taking a nap, watch TV or relax while fishin;
 
The Eagles of 1969 still great, but, there's no doubt we're all getting older
best 1960s era class though, because we shine brightly and are more bolder;
 
So, here's to us!!  Next time I hope to see you quite well and very much alive
let's not wait another ten years for a reunion let's shoot for number forty five;
 
I'm closing now, talked way too much and I don't want to be a drag
just do my poor eyes and memory a favor and wear a large name tag.
 
                                            GYM PHOX